"Thanksgiving is the only time when everyone in the family stops trying to lose weight at the same time." — Anonymous
"You know you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out." — Jay Leno
"I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it." — Robert Brault
"The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree on so vehemently?" — Nora Ephron
"Thanksgiving—when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook." — Anonymous
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." — Erma Bombeck
"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out." — Jay Leno
"Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863." — Anonymous
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie." — Jim Davis
"My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn't quit cold turkey." — Anonymous
"Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." — Johnny Carson
"I absolutely adore Thanksgiving. It’s the only time of the year when I can stuff my face without judgment… just kidding, I get judged every year." — Anonymous
"Thanksgiving is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof and hoping the police don't get called." — Anonymous
"Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving." — Mike Connolly
"Black Friday: Because only in America people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have." — Anonymous
"My favorite thing about Thanksgiving is not having to hear Christmas music yet." — Anonymous
"This Thanksgiving, let’s all take a moment to count our blessings. And then tomorrow we’ll all go out and buy more stuff." — Anonymous
"I think I’ve spent more time planning for Thanksgiving dinner than actually cooking it. There’s a spreadsheet involved." — Anonymous
"Thanksgiving: The day you share everything you’re thankful for, only to end up fighting about politics over dessert." — Anonymous
"On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment—halftime." — Anonymous
"May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump, may your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump." — Anonymous
"You know you’re a true Thanksgiving fan when you count down to leftovers like it’s a sequel to the main event." — Anonymous
"My cooking is so awesome that even the smoke alarm cheers me on!" — Anonymous
"If you didn’t overeat at Thanksgiving, did you even celebrate?" — Anonymous
"I can’t wait to gobble ‘til I wobble." — Anonymous
"Thanksgiving: the day when pants with stretchy waistbands are officially acceptable." — Anonymous
"Stuffing is just a vessel for gravy. Change my mind." — Anonymous
"I’m just here for the mashed potatoes… and maybe the wine." — Anonymous
"Thanksgiving: The one day you’re allowed to feast like a Viking and no one judges you." — Anonymous
"A lot of Thanksgivings have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen." — Kin Hubbard
"I feel like the calorie count on Thanksgiving is zero because it’s a holiday." — Anonymous
"This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for elastic waistbands." — Anonymous
"If you really want to impress me this Thanksgiving, bring me some pie that doesn’t have pumpkin in it." — Anonymous
"Every Thanksgiving, I bring out the same old pumpkin pie joke: 'You’ll have to roll me out of here.'" — Anonymous
"Thanksgiving is the day I switch from my regular coffee to pumpkin pie coffee for maximum holiday spirit." — Anonymous
"If there’s not at least three types of pie, is it even Thanksgiving?" — Anonymous
"Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in elastic waistbands since forever." — Anonymous
"Gratitude is when someone else cooks for you on Thanksgiving." — Anonymous
"Calories don’t count on Thanksgiving. They’re invisible. Didn’t you know?" — Anonymous
"The worst part of Thanksgiving is having to wait for the food to be done so you can eat it. The best part is not waiting." — Anonymous
"My family says I talk too much at Thanksgiving. But the turkey didn’t even try." — Anonymous
"My Thanksgiving challenge: Eat the entire meal without mentioning politics. Spoiler alert: Failed." — Anonymous
"Thanksgiving is like one big game of survival. Family, carbs, and couch comas. Who will come out on top?" — Anonymous
"I love Thanksgiving so much because it's the only day I can sit in one place, overeat, and then go lie down guilt-free." — Anonymous
"Is it really Thanksgiving if you haven’t secretly unbuttoned your pants halfway through the meal?" — Anonymous
"Thanksgiving dinner: A feast for the stomach, a marathon for the willpower." — Anonymous
"Thanksgiving: Because I can’t be trusted in the same room with stuffing without taking half of it." — Anonymous
"Remember, there’s no 'we' in 'pie.' Just 'I.' And that’s how much I’m eating." — Anonymous
"The Thanksgiving plan: Overeat, nap, repeat." — Anonymous
"Turkey for me, turkey for you. Let’s eat the turkey in my big brown shoe!" — Adam Sandler
